i’m actually a really nice person… until you annoy me
He gives me life.
wow i can’t believe the mic guy was gay!! what a perfect coincidence!!!
This is still my favorite comic ever
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
The Sims Tumblr Posts
this is literally the best thing i have ever seen in my fucking life
The last few seconds
I DON’T KNOW WHAT I EXPECTED BUT IT DEFINITELY WAS NOT THAT
Back when I was younger and more ignorant and misinformed than I am now, one of my exes literally made me feel guilty sometimes when he got a boner and I didn’t want to “take care of him”. He claimed that it caused him a lot of pain and he said that his doctor had actually said he couldn’t leave himself in that state or else he could damage himself…. So made me feel like I HAD to give him relief even when I really did not desire to. And that sucked.
Wait… it DOESN’T hurt them?
Boys get boners all the time for no reason. No, it doesn’t hurt them. If any boy tries to tell you otherwise, run away as fast as you can because he’s lying to you for the sake of his penis.
No penis is more important than you because you are a whole person and a penis is just a spongy flab o’ flesh.
Hahaha deff not I get boners constantly.
Anything causes them
Favorite answer so far.
Dicks can seriously be ridiculous at times
Hell sometimes a brisk breeze can set them off
Reblogging this for all of the girls and guys that DO NOT KNOW THIS INFORMATION. Because this is extremely important.
The term ‘blue balls’ isn’t actually a fucking thing.
It was created by giant flopping douche canoes to con girls into rubbing their little dingadongs.
I literally get 10 boners a day and never get blue balls.
Next time someone tries to shame you into a handy, kick them in the balls and tell them “NOW YOU HAVE BLUE BALLS”
I love how the Addams Family has ZERO slut-shaming. Like… honey you can dance naked and enslave someone with your womanly charms if you want to, I don’t fucking care, but so help me you’re going to get a college education first.
The Addamses are what every family should aspire to be like (you know; without the dismemberment and electric chairs as play time). Honestly, have you ever seen more unconditionally loving and supportive parents than Gomez and Morticia? And not just with the kids, but with each other. I think what’s especially unique about them is how open they are with everything. They don’t treat their children like children. They treat them like they treat everyone else; direct, and to the point.
It’s creepy how many good examples of parenting and romantic relationships there is in these characters, especially considering they are supposed to be the antithesis of the stereotypical American nuclear family.